Football highlights

          Uncle Jack spent most of the weekend watching NFL playoff games.  As a bona fide high school graduate he is not proud of wasting so much time this way but has to confess that the presence of a 52 inch Samsung  flat screen HDTV in his living room has had a powerful impact on his behavior.  Being able to see every aspect of the game up close in sharp detail and repeated a half-dozen times from different angles is a temptation he simply cannot resist. Twelve hours after the last game ended Sunday night he can barely recall who played whom  but he can tell you he enjoyed every minute of his descent into what Mencken would have called "boobosity" (or worse).
          Brain damage is not confined to the playing field on occasions like this.  Uncle Jack has never suffered a real concussion but after being beaten about the head by commercials for the better part of two days he thinks he knows how it must feel. He herewith nominates the inventor of the TV mute switch for the next Nobel Peace Prize.
       He is not sure if NFL games are broadcast anywhere else in the world but he couldn't help wondering what people in other countries might conclude about us after watching a game or two.  He made a short list of  reasonable conclusions they might come to, to wit:

l.  We love violence.  Not only is  professional football one of the most brutal spectacles in all of  "sport",  but the enthusiastic response of  "fans" (short for fanatics, remember) to particularly egregious examples of mayhem is scary.  Observing the intrinsic barbarity of the game itself coupled with endless commercials for violent movies and TV shows, a non-American viewer might reasonably conclude that we get our kicks from something more than just champagne.

2.  American advertisers are apparently allowed to lie through their teeth.  Every purveyor of automobile insurance cannot offer the lowest rates, but they all say they do. (Uncle Jack once took the Geico test and found that if he switched from U.S.A.A. to Geico his insurance would cost nearly $400 more).  Not every cellphone company can offer the best nationwide service but they all claim to.  All but one are lying. Did Howard Stern " change radio forever"? Come on.

3. We will apparently eat anything if it's cheap enough and somebody else will cook it for us.  Most of the products offered by the likes of  Taco Bell, Domino's, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Subway and McDonalds are positively revolting to a health foodie like Uncle Jack.  Judging from the popularity of American fast food in other countries, however, his opinion is not universally shared.

     Uncle Jack was happy to learn that thanks to "Pepsi Throwback" he can once again rot his teeth will real sugar instead of corn syrup should he choose to do so.  He was also delighted to find out that if he ever needs to pull a large paper mache boulder out of his yard all he needs is a GMC pickup.  Presumably the Ford-150 (best-selling pickup for 33 years) is not up to the job. Will Uncle Jack ever "taste greatness" in a can of  Miller Lite? Will anybody?.

     Three more games to go.  He wouldn't miss them for anything.