Home again?

       Uncle Jack and Mrs. U.J. are back in Baltimore again after an enjoyable ten-day sojourn in Nags Head during which they experienced just about every kind of weather one could reasonably expect on the Outer Banks at this time of year.  There were no freakishly warm days like the one he remembers from back in the 70's when the temperature reached 80 one day and all the migratory waterfowl got so excited they started heading north en masse.  They probably got as far north as D.C. before they all realized their mistake and turned around because they were back Roanoke Sound the next day. Geese are not noted for their intellect so it shouldn't have been surprising to see them do something really stupid like that. At least they didn't have to pay for gas.
      Last week was mostly rainy, cold and windy except when it was snowing, none of which was conducive to favorite outdoor activities like walking on the beach.  This was not entirely bad because they were down there to work on getting their house ready to rent this summer and there is nothing like nasty weather to discourage frivolous pursuits.  There is still a lot to do so they will be going back to Nags Head in a week or so.  They have already spent so much time down there this year that they are not sure which place to call home at this point----South Nags Head or Charm City.  This is not exactly what you could call a serious problem he would be the first to admit.
      They got back to Bawlmer on Tuesday and plunged almost immediately back into the cultural swim  by going to the Center Theater downtown to see a performance of  Harold Pinter's enigmatic 1965 play called "The Homecoming" which Uncle Jack thought was pretty funny for a tragedy.  Pinter got the Nobel Prize in literature a few years back so he must be a very important playwright but Uncle Jack has to confess that he has never understood anything the man wrote.  Lucky for him you don't have to understand his plays to enjoy them so it wasn't a total loss.
      Tomorrow night it's the symphony (mostly Chopin) and Saturday afternoon another play,  this time at the Everyman Theater down the street a few blocks.  On Sunday he will rest his brain lest it become overheated and cause a stroke or worse.
      By popular request Uncle Jack has reached deep into the archives for another piece he wrote so long ago that by his reckoning very few people who read it originally could still be alive. It came to mind as he watched the snow melt last week.

South Nags Head on Dwellable

                                   Ditches


   Uncle Jack has been thinking a lot lately about ditches.
This is not something he would normally think about very much
but with all the water standing around everywhere in Nags Head
after the big rain last week and everybody talking about drainage
all the time he could not help remembering the ditches of his
childhood.
   When Uncle Jack was a kid ditches were just about the number
one source of entertainment in his neighborhood, especially
in the spring when the snow started to melt. Uncle Jack should
back up and explain that he grew up in a small town in northern
Wisconsin near the Arctic Circle where it started snowing right
after Labor Day and it kept right on snowing right up to Memorial
Day.
   During that time, known as "winter", shoveling snow was the
number one source of recreation. Nobody in Uncle Jack's home
town ever went skiing or anything like that because they were
always too tired from shoveling snow.
   In the spring, which usually came around the first week of
June and lasted about four or five days, the sun would come
out and the temperature would go way up to 35 degrees above
zero and the snow would start to melt. This is where the ditches
came in. Uncle Jack's home town did not have too much in the
way of culture but it did have wonderful ditches. During the
spring when the snow was melting people would refer to Uncle
Jack's home town as the Venice of Northern Wisconsin and they
were not exaggerating very much either.
   Uncle Jack can still remember how the old people would stand
out by the ditches in front of their houses when the water was
running good and they would nod to each other and smile and
say things like "By golly, Lars, she's really running good today,
ain't she". People really knew how to appreciate a good ditch
in those days, that's for sure.
   The old people would watch Uncle Jack and the other kids
playing in the ditches just the way they did when they were
kids and they would say things like "Watch out you don't get
sucked into the culvert" just like their mothers and fathers
used to say to them. As far as Uncle Jack knows, nobody in his
neighborhood ever actually got sucked into the culvert but he
thinks that could be what happened to Dorothy Magnuson's cat
in the spring of '39.
   Building dams in the ditches and flooding the street was
one thing Uncle Jack and his friends used to do but racing boats
was more fun and you did not get yelled at by the old people
as much, either, when you raced boats. Uncle Jack and his friends
would make boats out of chunks of wood or whatever      
and then they would see whose boat could get from Seventh Street
to the culvert first.
   This was how they got to practice some of the skills they
would need when they grew up such as how to cheat and get away
with it and how to win an argument even when you know you are
wrong.
   On the first Saturday of spring (which was also the last
Saturday of spring) Uncle Jack and his friends would have the
Big Culvert Race which was where everybody let their boats get
sucked into the culvert and then they would jump on their
bicycles and ride down to where the culvert emptied out through
a big pipe right into Lake Superior. Then they would sit there
and wait to see whose boat came out first and you can probably
imagine how exciting that was.
   Uncle Jack is not going to tell you some of the things he
saw that came out of that pipe and went right into Lake Superior
because you might be eating lunch or something. He will say
that after he saw what came out of that pipe he could never
get up much enthusiasm for swimming in Lake Superior and it
wasn't because it never completely thawed out, either.
   But mostly Uncle Jack has very fond memories of the ditches
he played in and he would like to tell all the people in Nags
Head who have a lot of water standing in their yards that they
should not be afraid of ditches. He knows from experience that
ditches are not only useful for getting the water out of your
yard but they are also a good source of wholesome, inexpensive
entertainment for the whole family and something the community
can be proud of.
   But watch out you don't get sucked into the culvert.

This was a pretty blizzard while it lasted.  The snow fell Wednesday night and was gone by Thursday night.

Uncle Jack didn't have to brush the snow off the Mini---it melted before he could find the broom.

Monday, the day before they had to leave, was actually almost pleasant.  They walked toward Jennette's Pier, which looks like it is on track to open as scheduled in May, but had to turn around before they got there.  Needless to say they had the beach to themselves.  Most people are not quite as dumb as geese. Click the picture to enlarge it and you might be able to see the pier.

"Home" Again

     After two delightful weeks in his own house in Nags Head Uncle Jack is finding himself a bit conflicted as to where "home" is these days.  He loves Baltimore but he never stopped loving Nags Head when he moved to Charm City so maybe he should just think of both of them as home and consider himself lucky.  This is not exactly the worst dilemma that could befall a person.
     Actually the dilemma that befell him yesterday afternoon was worse.  He had to choose between going to the symphony at 3 p.m. or staying home and watching the Packers and Bears on his 52-inch, flatscreen, HDTV you-know-what.  It was a tough decision but he has to say the Baltimore Symphony did a terrific job on Shostakovitch's monumental fifth symphony and he did get to watch the Steelers beat the Jets later on and that was probably as much excitement as he could handle in one day anyway.
     It is very cold in Baltimore---so cold that he and Mrs. U.J. had to do their daily walk inside the palatial Towson Town mall this morning.  The owners open the place up for walkers at 7:30 a.m. which is long before the stores open.  Either they are being very civic-minded or they are hoping the walkers will throw off enough heat to cut down on their electric bill.  Either way it's a great amenity for penurious, exercise-seeking old people like Uncle Jack, especially the third floor where Victoria's Secret has some very inspiring window displays.
     He would like to thank all those readers who have taken time to comment on his Baltimore Blog over the last couple of years.  There is supposed to be some way for him to respond to comments but he still
hasn't been able to figure out how to do it so he hopes this blanket response will at least serve as an apology for not responding in a timely fashion.  He does enjoy reading your comments and he thanks you again for sending them.
   A number of readers have suggested that if he doesn't have anything new to say,  which seems to be happening a lot lately, that he go back in the archives and pull out something that hasn't seen the light of day for several years.  He has been thinking a lot about Ireland lately because of its economic problems which are even worse than ours in some ways.  The last time he was in Ireland several years ago the country was in the midst of a boom that threatened to wreck the country in much the same way that prosperity has changed the Outer Banks so radically.  This column was written at that time and my how it brings back memories.




                        Ireland


     Memories of Uncle Jack's big trip to Ireland are fading
fast now that he is back working for a living again so he thought
he would get a few down on paper before they are gone forever.
  
May l7: Visited "Famine l50", a traveling exhibit commemorating
the l50th anniversary of the Great Famine of l846 which resulted
in the deaths of more than one million Irish people and the
emigration of a million more---many of them to the U.S. The
exhibit was on display at "Leisureland", an amusement complex
in a summer resort near Galway and was one of the few cultural
events in Ireland this year not sponsored by Budweiser or
McDonalds.

May l8: Dinner at the Oyster Room of the Great Southern Hotel,
one of Galway's leading restaurants since l849. "Buffalo Wings"
one of six starters on the menu. International cuisine at its
finest.

May 20: First day in rental car. Thirty miles outside of Galway
Uncle Jack attempts to widen stone bridge with his Opel to make
way for oncoming eighteen wheeler. He predicts that one day
in the near future two German tour buses will reach that bridge
at the same time, wedge themselves together and bring traffic
to a complete halt all over Ireland.

May 2l: Uncle Jack and Mrs. Uncle Jack wait patiently as mother
goat finishes feeding her kid in the middle of the road near
Belmullet. Other stops caused by flocks of sheep, herds of
cattle, and oncoming vehicles which had to back up to the nearest
wide place in the road. (Uncle Jack never could find reverse
gear in that Opel). He could not help thinking that this is
all very quaint but if Ireland wants to get serious about
accommodating tourists they are going to have to tear down
about a million miles of stone fences, widen all the roads to
at least six lanes and keep those animals penned up where they
belong. "Quaint" is going to have to go.

May 21: Lunch at Ashford Castle, ancestral home of the Guinness
beer family and now an 85-room luxury hotel frequented by the
likes of President Reagan, Teddy Kennedy, Joan Baez and Woody
and Mia. Mrs. Uncle Jack had a "Ceaser" salad while Uncle Jack
munched a "ham and chesse" sandwich. The familiar menu misspellings
make them momentarily homesick for the Outer Banks.

May 22: Visited the Gallarus Oratory, a l300 year old stone
church overlooking the ocean near Dingle. After thirteen
centuries of battering by some of the worst weather in the world
it is still completely intact and does not leak a drop no matter
how hard it rains.  Uncle Jack was thinking there might be a
few clues here for the builders who are working on that federally
financed project to design hurricane-proof structures
up in Southern Shores. Junket to Ireland anyone?        

May 23: Dinner at Moran's Oyster House near Galway where the
Moran family has been in the oyster business for over 200 years
in the same location. Unfortunately oysters were out of season
but Uncle Jack's corned beef sandwich was extraordinary.

May 24: Spotted basketball hoop fastened to the wall of a
l4th century stone tower. Boy with fuchsia hair and ring in
nose
practicing rebounds. With satellite TV covering the countryside
Irish children can find their role models where they will,
apparently---even in the NBA.

May 28: With fear and trembling Uncle Jack returns battered
rental car expecting to have to fork over the $l00 deductible
for damage inflicted during his bridge-widening efforts. Lucky
for him the Budget Rental man was unable to distinguish Uncle
Jack's dent from all the others decorating the left side of
his Opel and Uncle Jack was not about to point it out to him.
If they would widen the roads over there this sort of thing
would not happen if you ask him. So much for moral dilemmas.

May 30: Took the train to Dublin. The only civilized way to
travel if you ask Uncle Jack. Fortunately farmers have learned
that train does not stop for sheep on track. One-fourth of all
Irish people live in Dublin and Uncle Jack would guess that
at any given time half of them are stalled in traffic which
could only be described as world-class. Unable to breathe diesel
fumes Uncle Jack stays in the pub at Wynn's hotel for two days
while Mrs. Uncle Jack sightsees for him. Her description of
the Book of Kells in Trinity College also breathtaking.

June 5: Back to U.S. via Aer Lingus. Had last Guinness with
lunch on plane. Two hours to kill in Kennedy airport where
bars serve only Miller Lite and Heineken.  Two Heinekens: $9.00.
Home sweet home. Alas.