He did take some comfort from the fact that his cold kept him inside and gave him even more time than usual to sit in his barcalounger and read which is one of his favorite pastimes. He needed some extra time because one of the latest books he acquired is a huge collection of letters written by H. L. Mencken, the Sage of Baltimore, who is one of his favorite defunct writers. He found this book in the sale bin at the Dare County library in Manteo a couple of weeks ago along with another Mencken book that had apparently belonged to the late Huntington Cairns of Southern Shores who was a friend of Mencken's. In fact, several of the letters in the collection were from Mencken to Cairns back in the 1920's when they were friends.
After the death of Mr. Cairns, who was a distinguished art historian and director of the National Gallery in Washington for many years, his personal effects were sold at auction from his beachfront home in Southern Shores and the two Mencken books somehow found their way to the shelves of the county library back in 1990 where they remained, uncirculated, until Uncle Jack bought them.
If anyone in Dare county had actually read them they might have been removed from circulation a long time ago because one of Mencken's favorite punching bags was Christianity, and for that matter all organized religions and their preposterous belief systems. He would have had a field day with a controversy now raging among evangelical Christians over the writings of a pastor named Rob Bell who
turned up in the New York Times yesterday, to wit:
In a book to be published this month, the pastor, Rob Bell, known for his provocative views and appeal among the young, describes as “misguided and toxic” the dogma that “a select few Christians will spend forever in a peaceful, joyous place called heaven, while the rest of humanity spends forever in torment and punishment in hell with no chance for anything better.”
This was one of the biblical tenets that Uncle Jack had a hard time with back when he was studying Christianity under the tutelage of the Reverend John A. Houkom at Nidaros Lutheran Church in Ashland, Wisconsin so many years ago so he can readily understand why Pastor Bell might be having trouble getting his head around it. It is probably comforting to his critics to believe that he will surely burn in hell for his heresy.
Anyway this whole episode reminded Uncle Jack of a piece he wrote many years ago for the Outer Banks Current which he has dredged up from the archives, to wit:
The Lord Moveth in Mysterious Ways
This week started out like it was going to be Uncle Jack's lucky week. On Monday he got this very nice letter from the Reverend Ewing who is the minister of the Church by Mail in Atlanta, Georgia.
His letter was mixed in with a lot of catalogs from people who want Uncle Jack to buy truffles and smoked almonds and yachts and stuff like that but it really stood out and caught his eye because right on the front of the envelope it said "Dear Jesus, I pray that you will bless this home, Spiritually, Physically and Financially" and on the back it said "Bless the hands that open this sacred faith letter that can change their lives and give them the Desires of their Hearts," and all of this was underlined with a yellow magic marker so you could hardly miss it.
Uncle Jack could hardly get the Reverend Ewing's letter open because his hands were shaking so hard, just like they were when he got the letter from the Readers Digest last year that said he might already be a millionaire. He did finally get it open and the letter turned out to be more exciting than the envelope.
In the letter the Reverend Ewing said he felt the Holy Spirit leading him to pray for somebody at Uncle Jack's address and he said "Do you need help???? Do you need a continuous flow of money blessings?" and then he said he would send Uncle Jack a very nice Prosperity Cross that he could wear around his neck or put in his tackle box or whatever he wanted to do with it ABSOLUTELY FREE!!
Uncle Jack thought this was pretty amazing because he could not figure out how the Reverend Ewing, who lives way down in Atlanta, Georgia, could have found out that Uncle Jack is going to need a continuous flow of money blessings for the next 36 months which is how long it is going to take him to make the payments on the new secondhand Jeep he just bought.
Uncle Jack is pretty sure it was not just a coincidence that the Reverend Ewing's letter and the payment book from the bank came in the very same mail so you can bet he did not waste any time sending off for his free Prosperity Cross which he hopes will get here pretty quick because his first payment is due in about two weeks and also his Jeep could use a new stereo tape deck if you want to know the truth.
The only thing that worries Uncle Jack a tiny bit is that the Reverend Ewing's letter was addressed to "Boxholder, Rural Route 2, Nags Head, N.C." and Uncle Jack actually lives on Route l so he is wondering if maybe somebody else was supposed to get the Prosperity Cross.
If Uncle Jack did get somebody else's letter by mistake he will be glad to split the money blessings with them when they come but in the meantime he is just going to take for granted that the Lord really does move in mysterious ways just like the Reverend Hokum always said he did.
Who knows what all this scaffolding is for. He can only hope that somebody knows.
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